Our Deepest Fear
By Marianne Williamson
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness
That most frightens us.
We ask ourselves
Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.
Your playing small
Does not serve the world.
There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking
So that other people won’t feel insecure around you.
We are all meant to shine,
As children do.
We were born to make manifest
The glory of God that is within us.
It’s not just in some of us;
It’s in everyone.
And as we let our own light shine,
We unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.
As we’re liberated from our own fear,
Our presence automatically liberates others.”
She said to me, “You really never care what people think about you, do you?” And she said it with an admiring tone. I had to answer truthfully and say that actually it does bother me for people to not like me, but I will not change myself for them. I will still be me.
And for days I wondered why. Why did people see me this way. As kind of a bad a$$ woman, with a strength to not care what anyone thinks. She wasn’t the first to ask or make that comment. She is not the only one who believes it.
So why? Why or how did this become how people saw me, why didn’t I think about it? Why does it not matter as much to me?
Because I’ve already been there. I was in the group that dressed a certain way or you got talked about. Dress your kids up, play at perfection, worry about what people say more than how your heart feels.
You see when you play the “fit in” game, it weakens you. Your personality, your vibe your light, your joy, your you. If you have a big personality you learn to be small for the benefit to others, others who need you to be willing to live in a box within their lines
Like one of those HOA’s that no one wants to be a part of. Rules, rules, and more rules, sometimes just to have rules.
I’ve never been very good at “fitting in.” I think from day one I was born to stand out. Not in that loud flashy way….well unless we are discussing my leggings or headbands….no it’s more like that, heart big enough to love the world, can not be boxed, kind of way.
So why does my standing tall, I’m ok and don’t care, attitude matter…..because somewhere there is a girl, with a dream.
She loves Sci-Fi, mismatched clothes, wild hair, hugging trees, lizards, cats, dogs, stars, rain, chapstick, and has a 46 hour playlist of just one years favorites.
Everything around her is trying to push her in a box. So then they can understand her. But she wasn’t made to be understood, she was made to shine. Maybe she’s not as strong as me. Maybe too many words from those who profess to care will cause her to chip away at herself….trying to make herself small enough to fit in the mold…the box.
Maybe in the middle of an afternoon grocery run she sees me…..flanked on each side by handsome young men who are my sons, hair in a bun, wild headband, pineapple leggings, blue Jean skirt with holes that hits my knees, a Star Wars tank, a “Once Upon A Time” red plaid shirt on top and a pair of brown boots….face lit up in laughter at some joke.
And on that day she finds the strength to break out of the mold, throw out the box, put her broken pieces back in, live her life loud, and be the inspiration to someone else’s story.
She’s the reason. She’s the real reason I can’t care what they think and I have to be me.
“Be the hero you wish you had when you were young.”
So today I am me. Blue glasses, purple head band, Star Wars hoody, black leggings with bicycles on them, Game Of Thrones socks, and a thankfulness for all my quirks.
Because one day I needed a hero……and I decided it could be me.
What hits me the most, is that the ones who are in my circle…they take me just as I am, they lift me up, support my dreams, give me room to cry, and trust me to bear their trials with them. This above all things is the greatest part of finding your you. Realizing that everyone you needed was there all along.