In the last 3 years, I have:
1. Gone through a full-on burnout and recovered, slowly, but bravely.
2. Lost half of me.
3. Had a hysterectomy.
4. Found the power of herbs and plants through the beauty of herbalism.
5. Started therapy. (Where are my other GenX’ers at? It’s time peeps, just get on it.)
6. Learned I had autism. High functioning, but I still say weird things sometimes, don’t know how to carry on small talk but can get into a deep deep conversation with no problem, do not understand the nuances of “fake” people, and do not know how to not “see” their falseness. I prefer real, even if it’s not perfect, just give me REAL, that I can understand. (Getting the confirmation of autism was a shock for me but apparently not for a lot of people close to me.)
7. Started Hormone Therapy.
8. Helped a lot of people realize they had insulin resistance and to seek treatment for it.
9. Stopped masking a lot of the things I learned to mask to be more acceptable at a young age.
10. Learned I am perfectly ok, just as I am. If I am overly passionate about my work and clients, that is ok.
If I cry when they cry, and feel joy when they feel joy, that is completely acceptable.
If I carry a piece of them always in my heart, it’s perfectly normal for me.
11. Lost almost all my hair after sickness and three surgeries. But it is getting thick again and hopefully will grow long once more.
12. Lost myself, found myself, sat quietly with myself, and hug a few trees.
Bonus: I discovered I really really like me for me, and I no longer have any energy for those who do not like me. It is their burden to bear, not mine.
So Hello, I am Suzy G.
I am sometimes loud, a lot funny, passionate, emotional, and an Empathic old soul. I am artistic, creative, vibrant, and whole.
I am an ADHD having (which works great with the chaos of wedding days), full of life woman, I talk a lot because I have a lot to say, I am intelligent in ways that even scares me at times, and my brain still soaks up information like a toddlers does.
I will simultaneously control a room full of 300 people and want to blend into the wallpaper. I will pour myself into being there for someone else who is facing the toughest of hard times in this life, and completely disappear when I am healing from something heavy or hard, I do not trust easily, if I truly trust at all.
I do not often give unlimited chances, I collect people instead of things. When I love the energy of someone’s soul, I just think of them as mine, for the rest of my life apparently. I don’t even know if some of them know I think this way of them.
I admire people who have no idea they are worth admiring, I love to send out secret gifts of encouragement to people and pay for other’s meals at restaurants, but only if they never ever know.
I struggle with believing in myself, which affects my ability to post on social media frequently. I believe in others with no problem, and with a power that is unquestionable, maybe one day I will see myself the same. My therapist and I are working on it.
I say “it is what it is” a lot for someone who has anxiety. I have won awards that no one knows about, done the cover of magazines, and never said a word, because 1 person, years ago, out of jealousy, said I was stuck up and pretentious. It took years and therapy to realize that my autistic brain took their comment as truth when it was anything but. Be careful what you say to others.
I despise jealousy with a passion, people who can only have 1 friend, and anyone who gets mad at me for not checking in regularly, because I am not that kind of friend, I get distracted by work, and everything I do, I do with every single piece of my soul, my heart, my mind, and my spirit. Because I don’t know any other way. It doesn’t always allow for me to be a “normal” kind of friend.
I think life is a journey and love is the only real magic left in this world. It is a powerful force that is never given enough credit, is thought and described entirely wrong, and is based on respect over butterflies.
I know that living and believing this way is laughable for some, and exhausting to think about for others, but it is my truth, my whole nerdy, geeky, brainiac, bookworm, workaholic, love believing truth.
And after all this time, I am learning to be completely comfortable right where I am.