My body is not perfect. It is round and soft and a size super squishy. This body has been loved by the same man for 16 years. He adores me, can’t keep his hands off, he lust after me…….sometimes society makes me feel ashamed of how much he loves me. There’s a bridge society……….go jump off it.
I love me and some days I love my rolls, my softness, my difference. On those days I eat healthier, exercise, and feel beautiful…….on the days society lets me love myself, I am kind to me.
These days are becoming more than the bad days.
My shoulders are soft pillowy places that have been gentle resting places for every one of my kids, no matter their age or size, they have held the tears of family and friends as they fell apart and my strength help to hold them in their brokenness. They love me. Me. The supposed broken imperfect me according to the world. And out of my circle….I am the one they call.
I have lived through being a fat teenager…….your looks can not break me because I survived that. I carried 3 children within my body, one for just a short time, the other two born healthy and oh so beautiful. I owe you nothing to breathe the same air. I am beautiful. With my stretch marks and my rolls and my softness. I am loved, I am desired, I am CHOSEN by those who love me. I don’t need anyone’s approval. It’s true. 36 years and I realized no one can love me better than me, no one can help my body to change, to be healthy, to be whole, except me.
Que….”But your fat, you need to be healthy, you have a beautiful face but………your setting a bad example for your boys…..no one will ever truly love you…….I mean your hair is beautiful but”
I was born with a hereditary disease called Insulin Resistance. Except when I was young no one really understood it, or knew what it was. Imagine getting told at 34 that there actually is a very real reason you can’t seem to shake the fat. Leaving the Dr’s office feeling hopeful but also devastated and ANGRY, oh man was I angry. My oldest son has it, my youngest doesn’t. But our eating style is different from what I was raised eating, there is a difference in food styles based on the area of Louisiana you live in. Here we broil, smoke, and bake a lot of foods and so the battle for my son is easier. There are no snacks in my house, no cokes, no sugary items of easy quick consumption…..we cook…real food, and very little of it is fried. It makes a difference. They are kids…given the chance they will always choose sweets and junk….they are kids. But they know better, they know to choose better, my son understands his disease, he understands how to survive it without becoming large. So my battle has a victory in them.
My sons are 14 and 11. When we are around town they tell me when they see a beautiful woman……and they do not follow society….they do not see size, or shape, or skin color……if they see a lady and to them she is beautiful, they tell me…”Oh momma look she is so pretty”…………..she is probably a size 24, but they see her truth…..She is GORGEOUS just as she is. “Oh momma look she is so pretty.”………..she is probably a size 2 but they see her truth….She is GORGEOUS just as she is. Yet both of these woman judge themselves. The same ugly self harming thoughts plague their minds……society does not lift them up…….it poisons them slowly. If anything kills people, it is the stress of 24 hours a day hearing how “broken”, “wrong”, and “imperfect” their bodies are. The stress of never having a moment of true loving happiness over their body.
It is the idea that other people’s words of “constructive criticism” about YOUR body are justified because they feel they are. As though they have some ownership to your skin, your shape, your size.
Hey Society….let me tell you a secret….people who feel loved, truly happy, complete and are not judged but accepted…..they take better care of themselves than those who are broken apart, crushed, judged, and defeated.
I remember always thinking this was just common sense……….apparently I was wrong.
But when you stand behind my camera……..I see YOU. I see your beauty. I see your truth. You are GORGEOUS. You may not see it, you may not have found it…….but give me a chance and oh hunny…I most certainly will. Because if you are alive, if you are breathing, there is beauty in you. It deserves to be seen.
I am fat. I am BEAUTIFUL. I have rolls and curves, and I am soft. I have stretch marks and loose skin from the weight I have lost. I have muscles and can kick butt if needed, but I am soft and squishy and a soft place to lay your head. I am beautiful and not just in my face. I am me. I am Suzy. I am on a journey to be healthy, to be stronger. I am not on a journey to simple be thin because my size bothers others.
This is my truth and I am ok with that.
#loveyourself #itisyourjourney #itisyourbody #loveyou